This is not a post about breaking up. Or at least not in the way you might think. The title (in retrospect) may be slightly misleading, however, it is a post about how moving on has lead to a love that I would never have expected.
As I begin to write this, Alex has no idea that I even started writing another blog post. This is partially because I want to surprise her and partially because she would hate knowing that I am going to put a piece of our relationship into the spotlight. Truth be told, we have been pretty adamant about keeping our relationship off of the blog, but considering that this blog came to be because of our relationship, I think a sneak peek into our crazy ride is a little over due.
If you haven’t had a chance to read our blog’s about page (and even if you have), i’ll give you the pieces of the story that are most important for this peak into our lives.
Most importantly, we dated long distance for about 6 months. Maybe more shockingly, we only dated for a few months before she decided to move out to Salt Lake City. But I can say that I knew the moment she moved that I couldn’t be without this girl for too long.
All of that being said, I decided I would be willing to make the move to Salt Lake City around last Thanksgiving and decided to pitch the idea to Alex for … approval. And this is where the moving on part of our story starts to take place, where I want to give a little insight into how I came to be in Salt Lake City, and a few important life lessons that I realized have imparted themselves onto me during this time period.
There are a few reasons that moving to SLC seemed a little crazy. Other than the afore mentioned parts of our relationship (especially the short amount of time), I was working for my clothing company Lumina, in Raleigh. I owned a house in Raleigh. I had also lived in Raleigh since starting college at NC State, and as a result loved the city and all of the friendships I had built over the previous 8 years. It was, for all intents and purposes, a relationship between myself and Raleigh that had its ups, downs, and issues we had worked through for many long years.
Even though I loved all of these things about Raleigh, I realized that it was time to move on to something new. I feel like through the months of preparing for the move and actually making it happen, I grew a lot as a person; and grew even more in the relationship I was building with Alex. Now that I have had some time here in Utah, there are parts of this transition that particularly stood out to me and that’s what I want to share with all of our great readers out there.
For me, love or actually going after it, meant moving on from a lot of the things that had been a part of my life for so long. And whether you are in a similar position or just in need of a little inspiration today, I hope that my words strike a positive chord for you. So, without further ado, what the heck did I learn?
Distance can be a good thing.
Okay, I admit, its a little odd to start with a lesson contradictory to everything I have been saying. But while I hated the distance between us, there were some amazing things that came from it. Mainly, we had to learn to communicate really well because that is all we had – phone calls, Skype calls, letters. We talked and learned about each other in a deeper way than we might have if we weren’t trying to find ways to strengthen our relationship without being in the same place.
When it feels right, don’t overthink it.
I also learned to take the freakin’ plunge! This might seem obvious, but I notoriously over think things. And because I had to take care of so many things in Raleigh before I moved, I had a ton of time to double guess my decision. To anyone making a big decision like this, you know when it feels right so don’t spend the time worrying. For me, the move to Salt Lake felt about as right as any decision I had ever made. So I went for it and haven’t regretted a moment of it.
Even though you are moving on, the things that matter will still be present.
The hardest part about moving on is leaving something behind. I had so many great things in Raleigh, and the thought of leaving my friends, my company, my old haunts (Bida Manda anyone?) made me really uneasy. I ultimately figured out that the things that really mattered, the people and the experiences, persisted even after my move. I still talk to people and look forward to going back to my favorite spots. Its a different relationship, but its an evolving one.
Some things will fall into place, but you also have to work to make it happen!
When I started thinking about the move I knew I needed a job before I made the trek. One week I visited Alex and did the gauntlet of interviews. And guess what? I got some offers! Now this is not to say interviewing and getting work is easy, but I will posit that my desire to make things happen helped me get through it all and work towards putting all the pieces into place. And sometimes, a little luck along the way helps!
The work isn’t over.
So I made the big leap of faith and moved over 2000 miles to be with Alex. It is easy to fall into a lull, accept that you’ve done a lot for your relationship and you’re part is over. I have realized that’s not at all the case, but that’s the amazing part about it. We get to learn more about each other, do new things, and experience life together every day. Through that, you still have to work to make it work, but that’s part of the fun.
In all honesty, I could write about my move for days, and talk about it for weeks. I am still in shock that it actually happened and I am in Salt Lake City 6 months later. I am only now realizing the ways I have grown through the experience and since the move, but I have gotten a little better at the things I have written about.
There are parts of life that are impossible to control. There are parts of life that I believe are inevitable. I don’t know if me moving to Salt Lake was one of these things, but I do think that it was inevitable that I put up a fight for our amazing relationship. So yea, I had to move on. I had to make some changes. But in the end, it is all because I was moving on towards a new love that has unforeseeable potential.