5 Things you need to ask before moving in together

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. Friends and family we are still alive and kicking! We took much of the holidays to just spend time with our family and relax and then in January I made the move into Barton’s apartment. Needless to say there has been a lot of adjusting to do and we really wanted to be able to focus on ourselves and our relationship as we started mixing our lives together.

The choice to move in together was not just an out of the blue decision. The timing was right, the lease on my house had just run out, and we were already spending a large majority of our week nights commuting back and forth to each other’s houses.  The decision felt very natural and so as with a lot of other things we have talked about in our relationship we didn’t question the decision, we just decided to do it because it felt right.

With that said, I think we are very much realists and both had a couple of questions in the back of our heads we needed to ask before we made the merger official. Here are both of our perspectives on some of the questions that we considered before moving in together. Let me tell you some of these are easier to ask than others, but remembering to be patient with one another is key to getting to the really juicy uncomfortable stuff.

What does this mean for the future of our relationship?

Alex –  This was probably the largest elephant in the room when we sat down to have a conversation. The simple answer was – kind of nothing. All it means is that “hey, I like you a lot, I see a future in this relationship and can we please share a mailing address.” Sure we said a lot more than that, but identifying that we could see a strong future ahead of us no matter what that entailed was enough to justify moving in as a next step.

Barton – Any time you talk about moving in together, it can’t be taken lightly. For me, I was very confident in the decision, but this didn’t mean I did not have concerns. I am a firm believer in taking things one step at a time, so I just wanted moving in together to be another step. We have plenty of time to figure out what lies ahead, the biggest thing for me is that we both believed their was a serious future for our relationship.

How are we going to solve problems together?

Alex – Communication. Communication. Communication. This word is the bane of my existence. I am terrible about talking through my emotions, it is something I am working on all of the time. But talking to each other (I have a hunch) is going to make problem solving way easier. So even if you have to cry your way through a conversation, it is still better than not trying to share your thoughts.

Barton – I am pretty notorious for trying to mind read and just fix things. I’ll let you in on a secret…im not a mind reader. So Alex and I made a pact to try to be more open when things aren’t going like we think they should be. I also think its better to attack something head-on early instead of letting it simmer. I’ve seen what happens when things simmer and it isn’t good, and this wasn’t even at a time I was living with someone!

What is your biggest weirdest pet peeve?

Alex – This may seem like a trivial question but it’s one of those that could save you from serious pent up anger. If there is something that puts your partner on edge then why not actively try and refrain from doing it? If you like them you should be trying to make their day better, not slowly torment them by using the wrong spatula.

Barton – So I am a particular person when it comes to a few things. But by knowing what bothers Alex, I can try to eliminate some of these things. I like to pick on people, but its not always as funny as I think it is. I am getting better at reading the situation. I also hate open cabinet doors, but hey…I can close a door or two for someone I love.

How are we going to handle paying for things?

Alex – This is one a lot of people tend to forget. Money is hard. Having money and keeping it is even harder. Don’t wait to have this conversation, just make a plan and stick to it. I live by the “I’m an independent women and I make my own money” motto so we tend to split everything. Except date night, cause ladies I found me a southern gentleman.

Barton – We split things. My parents split things to this day so it just seems natural to me. Plus, if she wants to buy an expensive dress, who am I to stop her, she’s saves money better than I do any day of the week!

What happens if living together doesn’t work out?

Alex – So we sandwiched this post with the two hardest questions. This is one most people don’t ask, they just find out when it happens. Life is crazy and can take you to very different places with very different people. We are all humans who make mistakes and even change over time, I think one of the greatest strengths in Barton and I’s relationship is that we both know this. So when it came to asking this question we decided we would just think of moving in together in chunks. Barton’s lease ends in 4 months.  At the end of his lease here we would decide if we wanted to do 4 more months living together and just keep going from there. Having small landmarks like that helps me be in constant connection with if I am really happy where I am right now. And as long as we both are happy to be living together still we will continue to do so. If we find out we weren’t ready for it, we will make other arrangements.

Barton – This might be the hardest one for me personally. I am not notoriously one to take a step forward with the knowledge that we may step back. But since my lease was only a few more months, it was an easy trial period to see if we could live together without wanting to kill each other. It might seem like too easy of an out, but I think it makes the transition a little easier. Keeping with the whole concept of communication, I did make it known that moving in and then moving apart would be a tough step for me down the road, but you know thats also part of a good relationship…honesty.

1 Comment 5 Things you need to ask before moving in together

  1. Karen February 4, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Wow!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Great insight!

    Reply

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